296 - Redneck Pets
I’ll never forget it.
We were traveling to visit our friend Mark in Colorado sometime in the early 1990’s. We were driving a Geo Metro, a NEW one (the first new car we ever bought). We stopped for gas somewhere in the middle of Kansas, a bizarre state to drive across because it’s so flat you can see for miles - and there’s literally nothing to see. Drives some people crazy but I find it strangely compelling.
While I was gassing the car everybody else was taking a break and stretching their legs and that was when the absolutely greasiest looking black hair plug of a dog, so filthy it was leaving footprints of dirt on the asphalt, ran up to our new, spotless car and leaped in, leaving instant black footprints of skuzz and filth all over the seats.
Shocked, I couldn’t pick it up without getting filth all over myself so, because it was this ill-shaped mass of black oily spikes I grabbed a hunk of hairy grime behind its head and another one above it’s rump and lifted it out, setting it on the ground.
I immediately heard someone yelling “Hey Mister!, Hey, Hey!” I look and there’s a guy standing next to another pump, shirtless, looking every bit as filthy and greasy as that dog standing by his rusty truck and and as soon as he sees he has my attention he says “You need to apologize to my dog!”
I quickly return the gas nozzle to the pump and we pile in the car and take off to the repeated demands for canine apologies.
We kept an eye on the rear view mirror but they didn’t follow us. Was amazed how quickly an innocent situation turned ugly.
If you have to drive across Kansas - fill your tank first. You don’t want to stop in the middle somewhere if you can avoid it.
